I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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