if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
