So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
