Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
