Yo dont text me then not text me
Please, let me fuck your mom
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
