Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
