ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
