I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
