Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
