I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
