I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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