My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
