Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I believe in your delicious
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
