I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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