Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
