the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
