Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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