I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
