Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
