She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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