I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
