I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
