the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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