i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
