the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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