Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
