my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
they need to just BURY HIM!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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