I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
