So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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