You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
