The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
