And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
