he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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