Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
