woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
