Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
