I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
