I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
