remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
