At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
