The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
