Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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