I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
