wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
