Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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