dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
