I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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