So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
