she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
