I heard we made out
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
