you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
