Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize