I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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