oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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