is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
